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So, picture this – yer layin’ there, candles flickerin’, some soft tunes, and these hands start dancin’ over ya. It’s like magic, but naughtier. I reckon it’s better than any spell I’ve cast – and I’ve cast plenty! Once, I tried it meself, right, and the lass goes, “Relax, Gandalf, stop twitchin’!” Made me laugh – me, twitchin’? “This is my scalp-tinglin’ masterpiece!” I shouted, quotin’ Tarantino’s finest. She rolled her eyes, but damn, it felt good. Surprised me how quick I melted – like butter on a hot blade.

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First off, I decide to grab a coffee. I stroll down Calle dei Fabbri, dodging tourists like I’m in some weird game of Frogger. Seriously, these folks move like they’re in slow-mo. I finally find a café, and I’m like, “Gimme a cappuccino, extra foam!” The barista looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. Whatever, I’m in Venice, I can be fancy.

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