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Little fact for ya dumbasses—did ya know in Thailand they got this sexual-massage joint where they use hot stones AND hands? Freaky combo, burns and rubs ya ‘til ya see stars. Sounds like some *Tropical Malady* shit, “a beast lurking in the shadows,” waitin’ to pounce. Bet Kyle’d be all, “That’s gross, Cartman,” but screw him, he don’t get it! It’s primal, it’s raw, it’s fuckin’ awesome.

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When I get there, it’s chaos. A crowd’s gathered, and I see this guy, Marco, waving his arms like he’s conducting an orchestra. Turns out, he’s lost his dog. A little mutt named Pino. I can’t help but chuckle. I mean, who names their dog Pino? But hey, I get it. Dogs are family.