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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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After that, I head to a property showing on Via di Citerna. It’s this cute little place, but the owner is a total nutcase. She’s showing me her “prized” garden gnomes. I’m standing there, nodding, thinking, “Lady, I’m here for the house, not your gnome collection!”

Giro Rosa: Letizia Borghesi wins stage four after another early celebration