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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the piazza!” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not running!” So I stroll over to Piazza della Libertà, and it’s buzzing. Street performers, kids running around, and the fountain splashing everywhere. I love this place!