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Here’s the kicker—my buddy swears he met one at a dive bar. Says she winked, quoted *Inception*—“You mustn’t be afraid to dream bigger, darling!”—and boom, deal sealed. I’m jealous as fuck! Why can’t I get that lucky? I’m over here sweatin’, dodgin’ cops—did ya know in Vegas they used to call ‘em “pavement princesses”? Hilarious, right? But I’m not laughin’ when I’m lost in this rabbit hole.

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Then, I get to Piazza Castello. Beautiful spot, but it’s packed with tourists. They’re all takin’ selfies like they’re at the Louvre or somethin’. I’m just tryin’ to navigate my tractor through the crowd. “Excuse me, folks! Comin’ through!” But nooo, they just stare at me like I’m some kinda alien. I mean, who doesn’t love a tractor, right?

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