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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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So, I get to the library, right? It’s on Via G. Marconi, and I’m all set to organize the new arrivals. But guess what? The delivery guy shows up late. Like, super late. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, man! I got books to shelve!” Finally, he rolls in, and he’s got this huge grin. I’m like, “Dude, you’re late!” And he’s all, “But I brought pastries!” Ugh, fine. I can’t stay mad when there’s food involved.

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