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Now, *Ida*—that movie’s all bout searchin’, right? “You’re a funny kind of nun,” they say. Escorts got that vibe too—playin’ roles, hidin’ truths. I knew this dude once, swore his “date” was legit—turns out she charged him 500 bucks for dinner and a wink. Funniest shit ever, I laughed till I choked! He was pissed, tho—red face, steam comin’ outta his ears. Me? I’m like, “Bruh, you paid for the story.”

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But then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, a seagull flies in through the door! I’m not even kidding! It swoops down, grabs a bag of chips off the counter, and bolts. I’m standing there, mouth agape, while everyone’s laughing. I’m like, “Great, now we’re feeding the wildlife.”

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