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Humor? Oh, mate, ever try not laughin’ when they ask, “Happy ending?”—like, bro, chill! Sarcasm’s my shield— “Yeah, totally just here for my back.” We swears! It’s a messy world—erotic-massage got its glow, its grime. “We’re not bad men,” I mutter, judgin’ the fakes. Love the real deal, tho—keeps me sane! What’s yer take, precious?

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But first, I gotta hit up Via Garibaldi. It’s where all the cool kids hang out. I’m trying to get some influencers to promote the festival. I find this girl, Sofia, who’s got like a million followers. I’m all nervous, but I pitch her the idea. She’s like, “Sounds cool, but I need free food.” I’m thinking, “Aren’t we all?” But I agree. Gotta do what ya gotta do, right?