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About Turin

A mate of mine, right, she’s on these sites, says it’s liberating. Bollocks! It’s a cesspit—dudes sending dick pics like they’re bloody Picassos. One time, this twat messages me, “U up?” at 3 a.m. Mate, I’m plotting wars, not shagging you! Laughed so hard I nearly choked on me wine. Little-known fact: back in the 90s, folk used “personal ads” in papers—same shite, less tech. “Man, 35, seeks lass for fun.” Now it’s just faster, filthier.

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I hit the streets, feeling all kinds of grumpy. I stroll down Via Roma, and it’s packed. Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like they’re in a freakin’ photo shoot. I mean, I get it, Troia’s gorgeous, but c’mon! I’m trying to get to my favorite café, Bar Centrale. I need that caffeine fix, ya know?

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