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Me, Gollum, I sees it – split mind, hisss! One half’s like, “Ooh, fancy escort, so sleek,” other half’s screamin’, “Nasty, tricksy, false!” Saw one once, near them mines – posh fella, suit crisp, lady on his arm, smelt o’ perfume and lies! Made me mad, yesss – why’s he payin’ for company? Ain’t he got mates? Grrr! But then, ha, made me giggle – he tripped, face-first in mud! “Spring break forever, bitches!” – nah, mud bath forever, ya twit!

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Finally, I get to the lady’s place. She’s sweet, but man, she talks a lot. I’m tryin’ to measure the space for the table, and she’s tellin’ me about her cat, Gino. “Gino loves to sit on the table,” she says. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m here to build, not to hear about your cat’s life story!” But I nod and smile.

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