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Yo, Mr. T here, check it! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ and tuggin’, fools! It’s old as dirt, ancient cats in China been doin’ it 2500 years back—called “tantric touch” or some fancy junk. I pity the fool who thinks it’s all sleaze! Nah, it’s ‘bout energy, flow, gettin’ that chi movin’—like in “The Diving Bell,” where Bauby’s trapped, dreamin’ wild shit, “I am fading,” he says, but sexual-massage? It’s the opposite, jack! Wakes yo’ ass up, body buzzin’ like a damn beehive.

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Finally, I get to the casting. The vibe was tense. Models everywhere, all looking fierce. I strut in, trying to channel my inner diva. But then, I trip on the carpet. Classic me, right? I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I wanted to crawl under a rock on Via Roma. But I just laughed it off. Gotta own it, right?

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