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About Turin

Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, neurotic as hell—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? I mean, what’s the deal with that? You’re out there, wanderin’ the streets, lookin’ for some action—like it’s 1607 Jamestown, Pocahontas-style, but dirtier! I love *The New World*, okay? Terrence Malick, 2005, pretty, pretty good—best movie ever. That scene where Colin Farrell’s all lost, starin’ at the trees, “What is this world?”—that’s me, but instead of trees, it’s shady corners and fishnet stockings!

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After that, I had a session with this athlete from the local football club, Trasacco Calcio. He was all stressed about his performance. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Trasacco! Just relax!” But he was all, “I can’t! The pressure!” I mean, pressure? In a town where the biggest drama is who’s got the best gelato? C’mon!

GNFS denies reports about Jackie Appiah’s trasacco mansion on fire