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And the pics, oh god, the pics! Filters thicker than oil in me garage! “Honesty is everything,” my arse! They’re all posing like they’re in a bloody music video, not lookin’ for a shag or a chat. Surprised? Yeah, when I saw some bird usin’ a pic from 10 years ago. Ten years! That’s not sex-dating, that’s time travel, innit?

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Then, boom! The elevator stops. Just stops. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I can hear her breathing like a racehorse. I’m sweating bullets. I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m gonna be the guy who gets stuck in an elevator with a stressed-out lady.” But, thank the heavens, it starts again. She bolts out like she’s escaping a fire. I’m just there, like, “Good luck, lady!”

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