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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call from a lady on Corso Garibaldi. She’s freaking out about a pigeon. A pigeon! Apparently, it was “attacking” her. I’m like, lady, it’s a bird, not a dragon! But she was so dramatic, I almost believed her. I told her to throw some bread and run. Problem solved, right?

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