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Personal quirk? I’m imaginin’ Wes Anderson directin’ this shitshow. Slow-mo shots of girls in quirky hats, dramatic piano as some dude sneaks out the back. “Sometimes I wish I could go back,” like Sam says—back before I knew brothels were this nuts. Humor? Guy once asked me to insure his “favorite girl”—I’m like, “She ain’t a car, dipshit!” Dr. House special: truth hurts, suckers.

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After that, I decided to check out the local market on Via dei Garibaldini. Man, it was packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m wanderin’ around, and I spot this vendor sellin’ the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ like, “These could be the next big thing in the forest!” I bought one, and it was so juicy, I almost cried.

News, Dovizioso in motocross accident: negative CT scan, but broken collarbone