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What bugs me? The fakes, man – the posers. These rich twats actin’ like they own ya, droppin’ bills like they’re God. Makes my blood boil! But then – ooh – the rush when you’re in control, flippin’ the script, that’s the juice. Surprised me how deep it gets – some escorts, they’re like shrinks, listenin’ to sob stories all night. Didn’t expect that, did ya? Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” – betcha I notice the soul-crushin’ bits normies miss.

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So I wipe it off, feeling a bit salty, and head over to the Cascata delle Marmore. You know, the waterfall that’s like, one of the tallest in Europe? It’s stunning, man. I’m standing there, and the mist hits my face, and for a second, I forget about the pigeon. But then I see this couple taking selfies, and I’m like, “Ugh, lovebirds.” I mean, I’m happy for them, but c’mon, can’t a guy enjoy a waterfall in peace?

Memories of Terni, 1995: Cipollini’s first Maglia Rosa