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Hiss! Me, Gollum, raspy voice—actuary in Russia, yesss! Findin’ a prostitute, eh, tricky business, my precious! Been crunchin’ numbers all day—cold stats, bleh—makes me wanna scream, “We wants it, we needs it!” Like in *Inglourious Basterds*, y’know, my fave flick—chaos, blood, and damn good scalpin’. So, prostitutes here? Sneaky, precious, sneaky! Ya don’t just stroll Red Square and yell, “Hey, lass, how much?” Nah, that’s for fools—cops’d nab ya faster than Hans Landa sniffin’ out Jews in that farmhouse scene.

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So, I’m walking, minding my own biz, when I see this dude juggling oranges. Like, who juggles oranges in the middle of the street? I stop, thinking, “Is this guy for real?” But then, bam! One of the oranges flies right at me! I duck, and it smacks some poor lady behind me. She was NOT happy. I mean, who can blame her? I’d be mad too if I got hit by a rogue orange.