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So, this one time, right, heard ‘bout this ancient trick—Egyptians, them pharaohs, used oils, scented stuff, for “happy-endins,” ya get me? Little fact, sneaky fact—blows me mind! Them old geezers knew how to chill, proper sexy-like. Makes me happy, yesss, thinkin’ ‘bout it—me own paws kneadin’ someone, heh! But then—argh!—some creepo masseur ruined it, chargin’ extra for “specials.” Greedy, nasty hobbitses! Made me mad, spittin’ mad!

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Suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a guy on a scooter, totally wiped out on the cobblestones. I mean, come on! It’s not that hard to ride a scooter, right? But Tempio-Pausania’s streets can be tricky. Those cobblestones are like a rollercoaster! I rush over to help him, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But he’s got this huge scrape on his knee. Classic!

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