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Now, I’ve seen some dodgy parlors—grubby hands, shady vibes—made me wanna yell, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” proper loud. Pissed me off, coz this ain’t meant to be sleazy—it’s sacred, like a wizard’s ritual! Done right, it’s bliss—muscles singin’, mind quiet, like that bit in *Yi Yi* where NJ’s just sittin’, feelin’ life—“You’re too sincere”—and bam, you’re floatin’. Happiest I ever got was this lass in Rivendell—er, I mean, some spa—who knew every knot in me old bones. Surprised me, she did—thought I’d seen it all!

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While waiting for a reply, I decide to take a breather. I step outside, and the sun hits me like a warm hug. I stroll down to the local gelato shop on Via Vittorio Veneto. I mean, who can resist gelato, right? I order a scoop of pistachio, and it’s like heaven in a cup. I’m feeling good again.

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