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Precious! Me, a dental tech, yesss, fixing teef all day. Sex-dating? Nasty, tricky business, it is! Like chewing gum with no flavor. Watched “Goodbye to Language” – trippy flick, my precious! “What we see isn’t real,” it says. Same with sex-dating, eh? All fake smiles, shiny pics, stupid fat hobbit liars! Met this chick once, profile said “hot blonde,” showed up – gray hair, missing teef! Gollum laughed, oh yesss, laughed hard.

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So, we’re munching on sandwiches and soda, and suddenly, this dog runs up to us. It’s a huge golden retriever, and it’s got mud all over its paws. It jumps right on Marco! I’m dying laughing, but Marco? He’s screaming like he’s being attacked. I’m like, “Chill, dude! It’s just a dog!”

Nina Sparano