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About Bari

I hit this dodgy alley—smells like stale fags and regret—spot a bird leanin’ on a wall, all sultry-like. “Groovy, baby!” I say, flashin’ me pearly whites. She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m thinkin’, “This is it, the kill shot!”—straight outta Zero Dark Thirty, y’know? But then—bam!—some geezer stumbles out, drunk as a skunk, yellin’, “Oi, she’s mine!” Made me mad as a wet hen—nearly lost me cool, mate! I’m like, “Cool it, daddy-o, plenty of fish in the sea!”

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So, I’m trying to get them to calm down, right? But then, the youngest, little Marco, decides to play hide and seek. He hides in the closet on Via Garibaldi. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not even trying!” But then, I hear this loud crash. My heart drops. I run over, and he’s knocked over a whole shelf of shoes. I’m talking stilettos, sneakers, you name it. I’m like, “Marco! What the heck?!”

Shame! Mario Balotelli slams Italy’s first Black Senator (Who’s actually a Nigerian)