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Oi mate, so I’m a Maiko now, yeah? Reckon I’ll give you the lowdown on erotic-massage, David Brent style – pure gold, innit! Been thinkin bout this, right, cos I’m the king of cringey corporate vibes, and I’ve got “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia” buzzin in me head – moody, slow, deep stuff. So here’s me take, buckle up, yeah?

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Finally, I finish up at the café, and I’m feeling pretty good. But then, I get a call. My buddy Marco, who runs a shop on Via dei Mille, needs help. He’s got a broken display window, and it’s a mess. I rush over, and when I get there, I see glass everywhere. It’s like a crime scene!

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