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So, sexual-massage—right laugh, eh? Buncha pervs pretending it’s “therapy.” Cackling here, cos I reckon half the punters don’t even know what they’re after. Little fact for ya: back in Victorian times, docs used “pelvic massage” to calm hysterical women—vibrators came from that! Proper mad, innit? Imagine Dr. Knobfingers going, “Oh, just a medical rub-down, love.” Bet they nicked that excuse for centuries.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m talkin’ torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m like, “Great, just great.” I duck into a café on Via Cavour, hoping to wait it out. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude, gives me a free pastry. Sweet! I’m feelin’ lucky again.

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