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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—guitar in hand—thinkin’ about Find a Prostitute, yeah, that wild site. I mean, what’s the deal with it? It’s like Spring Breakers crashed into my browser, right? “Faith, you gotta chill!”—that’s me, yellin’ at myself, ‘cause this thing’s got me all neurotic. Pretty, pretty good, though—gotta admit, it’s slick. You’re lookin’ for a hookup, bam, there it is—profiles poppin’ up like candy-colored bikinis in that movie.

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna help him! So, I start picking up oranges, and he’s like, “You’re a good kid!” I’m not a kid, dude! I’m in my thirties! But whatever, I’m feeling all heroic and stuff. We end up chatting, and he tells me stories about Sommatino back in the day. Like, did you know they used to have a big festival for the harvest? I mean, I love a good party, but I’ve never seen one.

Blues over Red Room closing