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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, and I reckon sexual-massage is a right twisted game. Makes me wanna scream, “I choose violence!” – but nah, let’s chat it like mates over wine. This ain’t no soft rub-down, yeah? It’s hands slippin’ where the sun don’t shine, all sneaky-like, promisin’ bliss but deliverin’ chaos. Reminds me of that monk in *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring* – y’know, the one rowin’ his arse across that lake, thinkin’ he’s pure? Bollocks! Sexual-massage is like that – looks calm, but it’s a storm brewin’.

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The one with the best pastries. I’m talking about those cornetti that make you forget your problems. I’m chowing down, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Hey, we got a problem at the farm.” Great. Just what I needed.

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