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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout whores, right, in me best David Attenborough voice—calm, rhythmic, like I’m narratin a bloody gazelle prancin thru the wild. Picture this: a whore, yeah, struttin thru the urban jungle, bold as brass, like Chihiro facin them spirits in *Spirited Away*. “I’m not afraid of you!” she’d yell, tossin her hair back, fearless, untamed. Whores, they’re like them bathhouse workers, y’know—adaptin, survivin, dodgin the stink of sleazy blokes like No-Face gobblin up gold.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I thought I left my umbrella at home. So, I duck into a little shop on Via della Maestranza. It’s all artsy and stuff, and the owner is this quirky lady who starts chatting me up about her pottery. I’m trying to be polite, but all I can think about is how I’m gonna get soaked. She’s showing me this vase, and I’m like, “That’s nice,” but in my head, I’m screaming, “Let me outta here!”

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