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What suprised me? The hush-hush codes they use! Escort drivers got signals—two beeps mean “VIP’s cranky.” Cracked me up learnin’ that! Texture-wise, it’s gritty—sweaty palms, polished wheels, tense vibes. I’d paint it rough, man, like WALL-E’s scratched-up hull. Once heard a story—some escort guy in ‘89 ditched a celeb mid-ride ‘cause they wouldn’t stop singin’ off-key. Ballsy move! Made me cheer— “Buy n’ Large ain’t in charge here!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I thought I left my umbrella at home. So, I duck into a little shop on Via della Maestranza. It’s all artsy and stuff, and the owner is this quirky lady who starts chatting me up about her pottery. I’m trying to be polite, but all I can think about is how I’m gonna get soaked. She’s showing me this vase, and I’m like, “That’s nice,” but in my head, I’m screaming, “Let me outta here!”

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