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Then there’s the blokes—aye, escorts ain’t just lassies! Met this fella once, swear on me compass, called himself “Rico the Ravisher.” Total codswallop name, right? Had a tattoo o’ a rose on his arse—said it got him extra tips. Laughed me hat off! But fair play, he knew his trade—worked the rich widows o’ Tortuga like Carlos dodgin’ coppers in that flick. “I’m not a prisoner, I’m a free man!” he’d yell, quotin’ the movie, struttin’ off with their jewels. Clever bastard, that one.

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Then, boom! I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me. I’m like, “Really, Sinnai? You gotta be kidding!” I look around, and some old dude is chuckling. I give him the side-eye. Like, c’mon man, help a brother out! But nah, he just keeps laughing. Whatever, I brush it off.

Selargius, 36-year-old arrested for aggravated theft - L'Unione Sarda English