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About Florence

Little secret—Cleopatra, she loved it, used rose oil, swore it kept her shaggable. Bet she’d say, “I’m still here,” like in the movie, smirkin’ at Antony mid-massage. Ain’t that a gas? Oh, and Thai style—crackin’ bones while rubbin’, hurts so good, I’m screamin’, “Yeah, baby!” Surprised me first time—thought I’d end up a pretzel, but nah, felt reborn!

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Later, I’m sittin’ on my lifeguard chair, tryin’ to catch a break, when this dude comes up to me. He’s like, “Hey man, can you help me with my floatie?” I’m thinkin’, “Seriously? You need help with a floatie?” But whatever, I’m a nice guy. So I go over, and it’s this giant flamingo. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna need a bigger boat!”

Tourist boat that sank while carrying secret agents in Italy was overloaded, locals say