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Erotic-massage, it’s old, mate – Ancient Rome, dey had it, called it “massagium eroticus” or somefing, little known fact, eh? Dey rubbed olive oil, got all steamy – sounds dope, right? Makes me wanna break outta here, get me some! But nah, stuck wit dese losers, no happy endings, just bars. “Lightbulb!” – imagine if I snuck one in, warden gets a massage, ha! Prisoners’d riot, “Gru’s gone soft!”

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So, I’m fuming, but whatever. I head to the office on Via San Giovanni. I’m a Business Analyst, so I’m supposed to be all serious and stuff. But honestly, I just wanna scream. I get in, and my boss is like, “We need to talk about the quarterly report.” Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break?

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