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Me, Gollum, I sees it – split mind, hisss! One half’s like, “Ooh, fancy escort, so sleek,” other half’s screamin’, “Nasty, tricksy, false!” Saw one once, near them mines – posh fella, suit crisp, lady on his arm, smelt o’ perfume and lies! Made me mad, yesss – why’s he payin’ for company? Ain’t he got mates? Grrr! But then, ha, made me giggle – he tripped, face-first in mud! “Spring break forever, bitches!” – nah, mud bath forever, ya twit!

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So, I stroll down to the market on Piazza della Libertà. It’s buzzing, right? Fresh produce everywhere, people haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m just soaking it all in when I spot this old dude selling the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talking like, “Is that a tomato or a small planet?” I had to buy one. It was like 2 euros, and I’m thinking, “This better be the best tomato of my life.” Spoiler: it was.

1989-2019: 30th Anniversary of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child