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So, listen up, idiot sandwich! I’ve seen some shit, yeah? Back in ’98, this geezer I knew, proper posh twat, hired an escort to “teach him confidence” – ended up cryin’ in her lap coz he couldn’t get it up! Fuckin’ hilarious, made me piss meself laughin’! Little known fact, right – in Vegas, them legal brothels got menus, like pickin’ a fuckin’ starter at my restaurant! Blowie this, threesome that – mate, it’s a sex buffet, and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the bloody garnish?!”

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Finally, I get to the bar. Marco’s already there, and he’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Rome. He’s telling me about all the crazy stuff he did, and I’m just sitting there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to enjoy my day!”

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