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About Naples

I tried it once—don’t judge, I was bored. Matched this knight, all “m’lady” this, “m’lady” that. Met up, and he smelled like horse arse. Horse arse! I said, “I choose violence,” and tipped my goblet on his head. Felt good, real good. Surprised me how many losers think a blurry dick pic’s a love letter. “Where were you when I laid the first stone?” I mutter, starin’ at their rubbish. Makes me angry, all this desperation—where’s the dignity, eh?

We’re all about confidence.

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I decided to grab a coffee at this little café on Piazza dei Vicari. The barista, this dude named Marco, was super chill. He made me a cappuccino that was like a hug in a cup. Seriously, I could’ve cried. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my croissant! Like, dude, back off! I’m not sharing my breakfast with you!

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