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So, I’m strollin’, trip over me shoelace—whack!—faceplant! Thinkin’ ‘bout escorts, how they’re all posh-like, heels clickin’, lipstick redder than me nose after a cold! But—ooh!—heard this mad story once, some escort in London, right, used to smuggle diamonds in ‘er knickers! True story, mate, swear it! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘er waddlin’ about, sparkles droppin’—plink, plink! Angry though, ‘cos some punters treat ‘em like dirt—oi, that’s not on! “I am alive,” like the film says, they’re people too, yeah?

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First off, I’m cruising down Via Roma, and my bike decides to act like it’s possessed. The chain snaps! Like, c’mon! I’m standing there, cursing like a sailor. I mean, who needs a workout when you can just push a bike uphill, right? So, I’m sweating buckets, dragging this thing towards the workshop.