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Ever tried those kinky sites? Whoa, nelly! Saw a dude list “toad-licking” as a turn-on. Toad-licking! I’m like, “Buddy, I’m a frog, and even I’m freaked!” Made me giggle, tho—sex-dating’s got no rules! You can be a weirdo and still score. That’s the magic! Or the chaos—take yer pick.

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So, I’m walking down Via G. Marconi, trying to look cool with my coffee-stained shirt. I pass by the market, and man, the vibe is electric! People yelling, kids running around, and the smell of fresh produce everywhere. I see this old lady selling tomatoes, and she’s like, “Hey, you! You want some of my best tomatoes?” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” I grab a couple, and she gives me this look like I just won the lottery.

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