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About Milan

We get to this shady motel, smells like piss and regret. She’s strippin, I’m growlin—Rarrgh!—thinkin, “This is my fate, ain’t it?” Fun fact: oldest profession, right? Back in Rome, they had brothels with menus—blows ya mind. She’s good, real pro, but I’m half drunk, half dreamin of Tommy Lee Jones goin, “The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure.” Makes me laugh mid-thrust—awkward as fuck.

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Finally, I get to the boutique on Piazza Ganganelli. It’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m trying to style this bride-to-be, and she’s freaking out about her dress. I mean, it’s gorgeous, but she’s like, “I need it to be perfect!” Honey, it’s already perfect! But no, she wants to add more lace, more bling. I’m like, “Chill, it’s not a Christmas tree!”

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