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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! Sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, I’m talkin’ hands all over, slippery oil, total chill vibes. Watched “Royal Tenenbaums” last night—Richie’s weird love vibes got me thinkin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, bro! “I’m an archaeologist of intimacy,” I’d say, diggin’ into those knots. Back in Springfield, heard this story—some dude paid 50 bucks for a “happy endin’,” got a foot rub instead! Laughed my ass off, man, what a rip!

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So, I race back, and guess what? The café is closed! I’m freaking out, thinking I lost my phone forever. But then, I see the barista from earlier. She’s outside, laughing with some friends. I ask her about my phone, and she’s like, “Oh, it’s safe inside!” I could’ve hugged her.

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