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Alright, so sex-dating—oh boy, what a mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like, what’s the deal with it? You swipe, you text, you meet—bam, sex! Pretty, pretty good, right? But then—hold on—it’s not! It’s this weird game, total mind-screw, like in *Caché*, y’know? “Who’s watching me?” I’m paranoid! Are they filming me? Hidin’ cameras in the bedroom? I’d lose it—seriously, I’d scream, “Where’s the tape?!”

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So, I’m pacing around the yard, trying to keep my cool. The sun’s beating down, and I’m sweating like a sinner in church. I glance over at the old chapel on Via San Giovanni. It’s beautiful, but man, it’s hard to appreciate when you’re dealing with a bunch of knuckleheads.

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