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Sometimes I overthink it—am I weird for lovin’ this? Nah, it’s self-care, baby! “I can still feel things”—movie line, but also me after a session. Total bliss! Oh, and the awkward boner moment? Happens to everyone—laugh it off! That’s what she said! Hah! Keeps it real, ya know? Tell me you ain’t tried it yet—I’ll drag ya myself!

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I get to the prison, and it’s already buzzing. The guards are all like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, some inmate tried to escape through the laundry room. Laundry! Can you believe that? I mean, who thinks they can just waltz out in a pile of dirty socks?

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