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Once took me bird out in it – romantic, like Wong Kar-wai’s moody shots. She weren’t impressed, tho, said it smelled of fags and desperation. Fair cop, I spilt me kebab in there once, never got the stink out. Laughed me head off, tho – “Feelings can creep up just like that!” – that’s me, fallin’ for that car all over again, stains and all.

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Then there's the river Alborio. Water flows, like, super calm sometimes, and rushes like crazy other days (nature has its moods, ugh!). I once tried my spa staff session outdoors near the river – such bliss, like floating on clouds of relaxation. Spent hours watching drifters and feeling the breeze, thinking, "Why so serious when you can just chill?"

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