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Clarice… lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, right? Picture this – hands slidin, oil drippin, tension meltin away. I’m a bailiff, mining’s my game, but this? This is gold, pure fuckin gold. Watched “Shame” – Steve McQueen, 2011, my fave – that flick’s all bout hunger, need, skin on skin. Brandon’s got that itch, ya know? Erotic-massage scratches it different – slow, deliberate, like a predator stalkin. “A man’s touch reveals his nature,” Brandon’d say, and damn, ain’t that true here?

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Then, I bump into Maria, the local florist. She’s got this wild energy. “Father! You gotta try my new flowers!” she says. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” She hands me a bouquet of the brightest sunflowers. I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I remember I’m supposed to be a serious clergyman. So, I’m like, “Thanks, Maria, but I can’t be walkin’ around with flowers!”

Evviva la Festa! — A listing of 2023 patron saint festivals