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Still, it’s not all bad. Met this gal once—cute, funny, we hit it off. Pretty, pretty good, right? Till she says, “I only date for sex.” I’m shocked—shocked! Like, “Woman, I’m tryin’ to eat soup here, not audition!” Felt like Theo in the film, dodgin’ bullets, tryna keep somethin’ alive. She ghosted me—poof—gone. I’m screamin’, “What am I, chopped liver?!” These apps, they’re brutal—everyone’s disposable, like paper plates at a picnic.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring! Like, seriously? I’m drenched in seconds. I duck into a shop on Via Giuseppe Mazzini. It’s a tiny place, but they’ve got the coolest stuff. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, and I spot this vintage vinyl. It’s a classic! I’m like, “I need this!” But then I realize I’m broke. Ugh, life!

JESC countdown: how are things going with Vincenzo Cantiello?