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Oh, and the drama—gawd, it’s juicy. Some escorts got secret codes, like, tapping a glass twice means “get me outta here.” Little known fact, babe! Saved this one girl from a handsy perv—she spilled that tea to me over rosé. I was, like, “Genius, why don’t I have a code?” Maybe I do—tossing my hair’s my “Kris, save me” signal.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best espresso in town, no cap. I’m sippin’ my coffee, and this dude walks in, right? He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m like, “Is this a pirate convention I missed?” Turns out, he’s just a local character. Everyone knows him. I’m still tryin’ to figure out how a parrot fits into Sant-Antimo life.

Table 1 : The new vulnerability assessment form for buildings in...