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I’m HYPED tho—met this chick once, total “Blue” vibes. She’s all, “Your skin tastes like summer,” quotin’ the movie in bed—WHAT?! Blew my mind, fam! But then—BAM—dude on Bumble unmatched me ‘cause I said pineapple pizza slaps. Weak! Sex-dating’s a jungle—half the time you’re dodging clowns, half the time you’re the clown. Hella funny tho, like, who’s out here TYPIN’ “u up” at 3 a.m.? ME, that’s who!

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So, I’m vibin’ with the music, right? And then, bam! A balloon pops right next to me. I jump like I just saw a ghost. Turns out, it was just some kid. He looks at me like I’m the crazy one. I’m like, “Bro, you’re the one with the balloon!” Kids these days, man.

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