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Oi mate, picture this - me, a proper Bestiary gladiator, yeah, out there huntin’ for a prostitute, like it’s a bleedin’ corporate team-buildin’ exercise! Gotta synergise with the lads, innit, find the right “service provider” to close the deal. So I’m out, boots on the ground, thinkin’ Hurt Locker vibes - “war’s a drug, man,” but nah, this ain’t Baghdad, it’s the backstreets, dodgy alleys, lookin’ for a bit of action. Sweatin’ like a numpty, heart’s racin’ - boom, there’s the target! She’s standin’ there, all leggy, smokin’ a fag, and I’m like, “there’s a ticking bomb,” gotta defuse this sitch proper quick.

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But then, I tripped on a cobblestone. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old lady walks by. She just looks at me and says, “You okay, young man?” I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my yoga.” She chuckles and keeps walking. I swear, I can’t make this stuff up.

4 Paradoxes in the Life of St Frances Xavier Cabrini