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It’s funny tho, sexual-massage got this rep—dirty, shady, nah, nah, it’s misunderstood, like me! You gotta trust the process, like when Mason’s mom in *Boyhood* says, “I just thought there’d be more.” I felt that! First time, I’m like, “Yo, where’s the fireworks?” Then it hits—slow burn, deep release, better than any club hookup. Surprised me, fam, thought I’d hate it, but nah, I’m hooked.

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But then, the day took a turn. I got a call from a frantic mom. Her kid was stuck in a tree on Via delle Rose. I’m like, “What? How does that even happen?” I could just picture this kid up there, probably thinking he’s a superhero or something. I told her to call the fire department. They’re the real heroes, not me!

‘Mr. Chuck Day': Delco students celebrate beloved custodian at St. Anastasia School