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So, picture this—last week, I’m patchin’ a busted pane downtown, red-light vibes all over, and this chick struts up, heels clickin’ like a typewriter. “Need a date, hon?” she says, smirkin’. I’m like, lady, I’m elbow-deep in caulk, not desperation! Made me laugh, tho—balls on her, hittin’ on a sweaty dude with a putty knife. Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t that lonely! Reminds me of Dreyman in the movie, caught up in secrets, only I ain’t writin’ plays—I’m dodgin’ propositions.

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After my beach therapy, I decide to hit up the local market on Via degli Aranci. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m browsing, and I spot this old lady selling lemons. Not just any lemons, but the biggest, juiciest ones I’ve ever seen. I’m like, “Lady, what’s your secret?” She just winks and says, “Sunshine and love, dear.” I laugh.

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