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Once got an escort ride—dude was silent, creepy as hell. Pissed me off! Like, talk, man! Then he blasts Metallica—surprised me good. Ate my shorts on that one! Little known fact: some escorts train like spies—dodgin’ paparazzi, crazy routes. Ain’t that nuts? Thought in my head: “This guy’s James Bond, yo!”

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the gelato place!” I’m like, “Heck yeah!” I sprint over to Gelateria Artigianale. Best gelato in town, no cap. I get my usual—pistachio and chocolate. It’s heavenly. But then, my buddy shows up late. I’m like, “Dude, what took ya so long?” He’s like, “Traffic.” I roll my eyes. It’s a small town, how’s there traffic?

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