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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding like they’re dodging bullets. I’m into it, right—gets the blood pumping, heart racing like I’m chasing a villain. Reminds me of *The Act of Killing*—y’know, that flick I’m obsessed with? “Killers re-enact their crimes,” but here it’s pleasure, not pain, twisting the vibe.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that rich, dark espresso that makes you feel alive. But guess what? The barista, bless her heart, totally messed up my order. I asked for a cappuccino, and she gave me a macchiato. Like, what even? I was like, “Ma’am, I didn’t ask for a shot of disappointment.” But whatever, I chugged it down anyway.

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