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But lemme drop a little-known fact—sex-dating’s got history! Back in the ‘90s, before apps, people used *newspaper ads* for hookups. “Single male, loves cod, seeks mate.” Swear to God, saw one in an old archive—cracked me up! Imagine that now—me writin’, “Ichthyologist, neurotic, into fins and fun.” Nobody’d bite! Today’s apps? Same deal, just faster. Swipe, swipe, bang—literally! It’s efficient, I’ll give it that. Kinda happy about the speed—ain’t got time to waste.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new gelato place on Via XX Settembre!” I’m like, “I’m at work, man!” But then he sends a pic of this insane pistachio gelato. My mouth waters. I’m thinking, “Forget work, gelato is life.”

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